Just reading the nickname Josh had given me when we were nine years old was painful. “My Eva Blue.” Fresh tears streamed down my face. I didn’t want to tear it because the words written on it, were all I had left. No… it isn’t fair,” I spat angrily, “because none of this is fair but this is all I get.
“Instead of writing you a letter I decided I’d respond to yours in person. Words on paper can’t hold the emotions churning inside me.” I reached into my pocket and pulled out the worn letter that would haunt me for the rest of my life. My chance at a few last words- but I couldn’t. “I started to write you a letter and bring it to you today. It was so tear-stained now that several of the words were hard to read.
Nothing more than the letter weighing heavy in my back pocket. How do I move on from this, huh? Did you expect me to just read it and everything would be better? Did you expect me to cry a few tears then move on?” I would get no response. This time you let me down and left me this letter. You promised me that,” I choked out as I pressed my thumb against the tiny diamond solitaire that he’d placed on my finger just six months ago. We’d sit on our front porch swing, holding hands and watching our grandkids play in the yard. “You always told me we’d grow old together. How much more pain could it take before it just exploded into a million pieces? It sucks so damn bad.” A sob tore from my chest. “It isn’t fair you know… a letter isn’t the proper way to say goodbye.
Swallowing hard, I forced myself to continue. The autumn wind caressed my face but wasn’t enough to dry my tears. “Your Mom brought me the letter today.” The pain in my chest was so sharp I had to fight to keep from bending over and screaming.
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